My Testimony

The other night I was rocking Parker and thinking about how grateful I am that we would be blessing him in 2 weeks. This may seem like a very random way to get where I'm going, but that's just how my mind works. :) Baby blessings led to Testimony, and Testimony led to reflecting on how much my life has changed these past few years, and reflecting led to tears of gratitude. It's all very circular thinking. :) I don't share my testimony as much as I should or would like, mostly because I have such a hard time articulating exactly what I want to share when the tears come. But I want to share this and writing is the easiest way for me to do that. Maybe some day I will be braver, actually standing at church to share these feelings.

As I was looking at Parker that night, I was reminded of the many Sundays before we had children that my heart ached because I yearned to be that mother having her baby blessed. I don't reflect on this time much anymore, but as I did it was accompanied by my testimony. I remembered the days, and months, and years that we earnestly plead with the Lord to be blessed with a viable pregnancy. I remembered the pain of the harder days, wondering if my Heavenly Father heard my prayers or even trusted me to be a mother to one of his children. And then I remembered the day that comfort and peace came, how it flooded me. I knew then that though this time was not easy for me, there would come a day that I would understand. I needed to have faith that the Lord's plan for our family was far better than anything I could hope for. He is all knowing and filled with the most pure love for each of us. I could place my full trust in him. I had to. This peace didn't bring us a baby for some time, but it did bring me the patience to endure what was ahead of us.

Now with my two precious little boys here, I am happy beyond words that my home is filled with giggles, and shouts, and toys covering the floor, and all the other things that I craved all that time. That said, I know the time before was all part of our Father in Heaven's plan for me as a mother. I'm sure as time goes on "the why" will become even more clear. As for now, it has made me eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for his perfect plan. I am so thankful for the lessons that I learned from this experience that could have come no other way. I am grateful for the faith that has filled our home. I am grateful for the bond I have with other woman because of the empathy shared. I can say, with surety, that I know my Savior lives, and that he loves each of us more than we can comprehend. I know that our prayers are heard and answered in a way that will be for our eternal benefit. When other trying times come, as I'm sure they will, I can place my trust in the Lord, knowing he will help me through. How blessed I feel to truly know these things, and to be reminded of them each time I see my children.