Tomorrow is the big day. We find out the gender of baby #3. I swore to myself after how difficult it was getting Caden here that I would never care whether I was having a boy or girl. I still feel very strongly about that, BUT I'd be lying big time if I said I never hoped that eventually we'd have a daughter. The other night I woke up panicking. I'd had a dream that my three boys all went on missions for our church at the same time for a 6 year period. That dream is a pretty clear indication of why I am worried about having another boy. Worrying comes very naturally to me; It's in my DNA. So knowing that, if we have another little boy it will mean 6 consecutive years of worrying and missing my baby boys. It already makes me cry. (But please don't think I'm not aware that families receive huge blessings and that there is no better place for a 19 year old young man but it still doesn't sound like the most pleasant thing--having at least one member {or 2 in the case of Caden and Parker} gone from your family for 6 years.)

As I lay awake in bed worrying about my sure fate {what else could I be having besides a boy?!?} I was very comforted by the fact that I KNOW Heavenly Father knows perfectly what is best for me and for my eternal family. I know that our Father in Heaven knows what I am capable of as a mother far better than I do. If this baby is another boy it will be the greatest previlege to be his mother and to bawl and bawl and bawl when I drop him off at the MTC. And I couldn't help but think that I hope I am able to raise boys as amazing as my husband. Then I will have daughter-in-laws that are as grateful for me as I am for my mother-in-law.